There we were, driving nervously along a jagged dirt road, risking our lives and compact rental car for the chance to see arctic seals. After an hour of snail-like crawling along this remote North Iceland peninsula – with no seals or even humans in sight – I made a confession: I may have forgotten to look up tide times. Which are, apparently, integral to finding seals.
When you’re stuck in a car with the same person for six straight days, things could either go terribly wrong or perfectly right.
I considered this in passing when booking an Iceland road trip with my detail-oriented, always- pragmatic boyfriend, quickly letting my incessant wanderlust usurp my sensibility.
Of course we’ll be fine! I told myself, after impulsively buying round trip tickets and six nights-worth of accommodations throughout Iceland. But then I remembered my terrible sense of direction, which would no doubt get us lost on a remote lava field only slightly more hospitable than the surface of the moon. Then I recalled the fact I take decades to get the perfect photo – on three different cameras, from at least five different angles. And there’s my pre-meal “hanger,” when my body says, Feed me now or I can’t be responsible for what happens next.
Ruh-roh.
We’ll be … fine … Right?
As Travelette Frankie learned in her round-the-world couple trip, traveling with a partner isn’t all rainbows and roses. While there are rainbows – sometimes set to the backdrop of a hidden Icelandic waterfall – the true perk of traveling as a couple is having the opportunity to answer some of your most important relationship questions.
1) Do we share similar interests?
I’ll be honest. This is the one that had me most nervous going into the trip. I’ve always been a grungy, outdoorsy person, while my boyfriend is more of a sports enthusiast and history buff who enjoys big cities, culture and modern conveniences. If he is outdoors, it’s pools or beaches.
Fortunately, I talked him into to my frigid, nature-filled fantasy – an Iceland road trip – while he was half asleep. Until we landed in Keflavik Airport and got our rental car, I was nervous he’d hate the trip. One half of me was concerned he’d have a miserable time; the other half worried about what that miserable time would mean for our future.
I can’t spend my life with someone who doesn’t enjoy the outdoors!
As the trip went on, he never once complained about our grungy adventures. In fact, he actually loved them.
When we went to Seljalandsfoss, the Icelandic waterfall you can hike behind, it was pouring rain and freezing. I told him to stay in the car because I figured he’d be miserable. He stared at me, mid boot lacing, saying confidently, No. I want to go.
In that moment, I realized that he may not love hiking as much as I do, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t like it. By having different interests — while sharing a mutual love for travel — we’ll constantly be pushing each other to try new things. Who doesn’t want a lifetime of that?
2) How well do we get along, without life’s distractions?
For many couples, quality time is spent over Netflix, out on the town or with a constant smartphone buffer. Rarely is there true silence, where it’s up to you and your partner to entertain each other.
That is, until you take an international road trip.
We drove at least four hours daily on our expedition, traveling up and down Iceland’s remote roads. No Netflix or cell phone reception. Just us, the volcanic, mountainous wilderness, and hours upon hours of incredible conversation.
Now, when I say incredible I don’t mean endless hours of deep, collaborative soul-searching. That’s way too much seriousness for six straight days.
But whether it was cracking up about what our dog might be doing back at “sleepover camp”, discussing the ever-important “what’s for dinner” question, or just enjoying a quiet, scenic moment, I learned quickly that even without life’s distractions, we still truly enjoy each other’s company. And that’s just slightly important for a life-long relationship.
3) What happens when we hit a bumpy road?
As I mentioned before, I’ve never been a directions person. So when our GPS decided not to work for, um, the entire Iceland trip, I was put in the navigator’s seat with an old-school paper map of Iceland roads whose names I couldn’t begin to pronounce. Hello, bumpy road.
If there was an incentive for argument, this would have been the time.
Why didn’t you test the GPS before we left? I could have yelled.
Why can’t you read a freaking map? He could have retorted.
Fortunately, we had none of that. We almost subconsciously – without even talking about it – accepted that this was the situation; we were going to figure it out. And we did, experiencing only a few wrong turns, met with patience and, more often than not, a good laugh.
4) Is this meant to be?
Set aside that Magic 8 ball. If you really want to find out if you and your partner are meant to be, travel the world together. In one week of road tripping through Iceland, we experienced pretty much every important situation a couple will face:
- Finances: We had to agree on how to spend our money, and who was paying for what. Given finances are a top reason couples fight, I’d say this was a good test.
- Team work: In travel, some things – or, more accurately, many things – will go wrong. You can either blame each other and fight, or work together to get through it.
- Compromise: I wanted to sit on a cliffside and photograph the ocean for hours. He wanted to get into town for dinner on time. Even with minor differences of opinion, we consistently compromised, and still ended up with gorgeous photos and great food.
- Love: After six full days of road tripping, during which we faced conflict, compromise, wrong turns and laughter, we came out on top. Travel provides a helpful snapshot of what a couple’s future together will look like. If you can get through the tough times yet remain wildly in love, then consider it meant to be.
Do you need a partner to fulfill your traveling dreams? Um, no. Of course not! If your soul is filled with wanderlust, you’ll find a way to travel the world. I still explore the world by myself regularly for independent, solo adventures .
But, when you do find that special globetrotting soulmate – the one who enriches your travels and hands you a granola bar for your mid-day hanger, you’re set for an adventurous lifetime of romance, road trips and, most importantly, happiness.
Have you road tripped with a partner? What did you learn during your trip?
This is a guest post by Stephanie Vermillion.
Stephanie is a NYC-based media professional, travel writer and photographer. Her travel blog, The Wanderlost Way, offers tips, guides and stories to help people of all experience levels embrace their spontaneity and curiosity for one-of-a-kind adventures. Connect with Stephanie on Twitter @WanderlostWay and Instagram @TheWanderlostWay.
Fantastic post!
I'm currently on an indefinite road trip around Australia with my Man, so can definitely relate. We've been on the road for 3 weeks now, and are actually closer than ever. We've always had very smooth sailing, relationship-wise, so I've been incredibly (pleasantly) surprised to realise that it's gotten even better.
We've been unconsciously acting more romantically towards each other, and seem to be 100% considerate of what the other wants/needs without a second thought.
Incredible! I absolutely think that every couple who considers themselves to be a long-term thing should travel together. You become more aware of yourself, and learn the best (and worst) aspects of your partner.
Glad to hear travel has also strengthened your relationship, Stephanie!
Thanks, Phoebe! I totally agree. It's so easy to overlook things when you're at home, surrounded by dozens of distractions, but when you're on the road, everything is out on the table. It was exactly what we needed, and now I'm ready to go out there and test our relationship again (I think I've found my new favorite traveling excuse...). Thanks for reading!
Travelling is definitely a good way to test a relationship. If you can make it through a holiday like that, you can handle anything!
Kate | http://www.petiteadventures.org
Completely agree. And I like the idea that you have to travel to test out a relationship ... because that means you get to travel! I believe in an annual (if not more frequent) "test"! :)
The first time my partner and I travelled together I really worried about how we'd get along because we're so different. But it turns out we travel really well together! We have found our days go better when we make a plan for the day and use that as a guide and we make sure both of us sees and does what each of us wants to do. Definitely a good test! :)
I love having a mix of two personalities! If we were both the same person, we'd spend a full day photographing in the middle of nowhere ... then realize we forgot where we parked our car ... then ... no bueno! Happy travels! :)
What a great and true post!
We´ll soon be travelling together for a few months and I´m really exited, but I also know that this is going to be a test. Anyways, I always tell myself to just see how it goes. After all, if it doesn´t work out while travelling it won´t work out anyways, since I´m not planning to stop travelling in the near future. But I´m pretty optimistic, as he has similar interests regarding travel and activities :)
Carina
"If it doesn't work out while traveling, it won't work out anyways." -- Truer words have not been spoken! Where are you headed? (BTW - I'm sure you two will be just fine!) Enjoy!
My husband of 15 years and I just finished a 17-day road trip through Iceland...sleeping in a camper van 2/3 of the time (I booked hotels every 3rd night for showers and a good night's sleep). While we've been married for that long, I married a man with 2 wonderful, but young children...so we've only recently begun to have adventures on our own, as a couple, without the kids along. We love travelling together, and while we hit our own bumpy roads occasionally, the adventure, our shared passion for photography, and the sheer wonder of seeing a new place together makes the travel even better as a shared experience.
That sounds like an incredible, dream trip! It's always tough to go on a big adventure like that when life gets in the way, but impressed you two were able to make it happen -- and it sounds like it went wonderfully. I love traveling solo, but I do find it such a rewarding experience when you're able to share a destination and its corresponding memories with someone special. Thanks for reading!
I 100% agree. My husband and I travel at least 4/5 times a year. Last October we did 3 week road trip in a camper-van in Iceland. We didn't stay in any hotels at all. Living in a car for 3 weeks was a true test to our relationship, but we survived. It was probably the best trip/adventure I've ever had.
That was an even tougher test than we had, so you two are DEFINITELY meant to be! A longer road trip through Iceland is definitely on my bucket list now ... :)
I loved this text! Especially the part about netflix!
Haha Netflix is SUCH a distraction, especially when it comes to relationships. Now, I'm not saying I'm anti-Netflix (please, I LOVE me a good lazy Sunday), but that can't be the norm. There's a great big world to see ... and, in some cases, an important life partner to get to know better! Thanks for reading!
Long drives with someone you can't keep a conversation is always difficult! It really is a great way to tell if you can stand to be around each other without all our daily distractions. Or being comfortable with silence I find is really important.
Definitely! You can just feel the awkwardness, and you're constantly trying to fill that awkward silence. When you can be someone without feeling like you need to fill every second (aka, appreciating the silence!), then you've found a great travel mate! :)
This post is so relate-able. Funny too, because my boyfriend (of 2 years) and I are planning on going on an Iceland road trip this September!
All in all, I couldn't agree more with this post. After only 4 months together, we embarked on an ambitious roadtrip from Seattle, Washington down to Big Sur, California over 2 weeks. It was a ton of time spent together in the car, in a completely new territory, with loads of complications, and we came out stronger because of it. Travel is absolutely the best relationship test. Through our adventures we've learned that we work excellently together, it's strengthened our communication, and compromise comes more easily.
weirdwonderfulwanderlust.blogspot.com
Ah, that's so fun! You'll have to let me know what's on your itinerary so I can live vicariously. A west coast road trip sounds like a great relationship test, too ... maybe I should try that one out, just to be EXTRA certain! :)
I am freshly in love and I can't be more happy about finding a boyfriend that is totally the same as me! Hope we will go on a hundreds roadtrips together!
My now-husband and I went backpacking around the world for eight months shortly after we got engaged; we reckoned if we could get to the end without wanting to kill each other, we could handle whatever marriage had to throw at us. I won't deny there were points when it was difficult - particularly getting to places, as he likes to wander all the little backroads whereas I would rather go the most direct route possible (this was the cause of our one full-blown row on the trip) - but I think it definitely made us closer, pushed us to try new things and helped us grow as people (I take the backroads sometimes now!). I'm all for travelling solo on occasion, but I definitely know I wouldn't have enjoyed that trip anywhere near half as much if I hadn't done it with him alongside me.
As for me, I learned patience, and I could have never imagine I can be such patient and tolerate some other very wrong ideas! Actually it was`t a travel with my girlfriend, but a road trip with another guy and two girls, all of us from different part of world with different ideas and culture. I learned a lot (I mean A LOT!) and despite problems we had, that was one of my best road trips I would never forget.
I also found out I am a good navigator!
Oh God, this post perfectly sums up my experience. And you know what—our first trip together, when we were barely dating for a month, was Iceland as well! We went with three other friends: a couple ten years into the relationship, our shared friends, and one more girl (everyone nervous about us maybe fighting along the way or even splitting up, as our relationship was so fresh and travelling together being such a stretch so early along the way). We spent four days in Reykjavik and then travelled a bit down the Ring Road for another four.
My first huge relief was when we discovered we shared the preference for visiting cities: walking around, not taking the bus when we can, not following any guides, just exploring the neighbourhood, no pressure. We also woke up at roughly the same time and went to sleep accordingly (you never appreciate synchronized schedules as much as when you travel together).
My second huge relief came when on a rainy day he decided that he'd rather stay in and I decided I wanted to go for a long walk. After a few hours he had stories about people he'd met in the hostel and I could tell him all about this neighbourhood that I walked around and frozen yoghurt place I'd discovered—which we later enjoyed together.
But the best moment was on the plane back home, when due to a mix-up with the tickets (which was totally my fault, I basically got scammed by scammy cheap tickets website when buying tickets for everyone) I ended up in a completely different part of the plane than the rest of the group, my boyfriend included. I was so upset about it, I almost cried upon boarding. Here's what happened: my boyfriend, who hates talking to strangers, talked a person sitting next to him into switching his great window seat with me (aisle) so that I could sit next to him. It sounds like such a small thing, right? I know it wasn't :).
The exercise in giving each other just the right amount of space to avoid suffocating and to stay close enough to enjoy the trip together, not apart. We carried those experiences not just back home, but also to our next trip to Norway and Iceland (this time—all the way around the island!), to living together, and, this year, to a long-distance relationship and, finally, relocating to Japan.
Life is a journey! Might as well enjoy it :).
I went on a round-the-world trip for a year with my boyfriend at that time - it worked out great since we got married last month. It was tougher to bounce everyday work life :D
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I was always curious if me and my girlfriend could actually get along in all kinds of situations.
So,after reading this,I guess I'll take her a trip to a known place and see if everything goes fine and I hope that it will .
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